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Wednesday, February 20, 2019

A Bizarre Conversation With A Dutchman

Amsterdam is an interesting city. As soon as I stepped out of the bus, I could smell the pungent 420 in the air. The people seem to really enjoy life and have a certain “hippieness” to them which helped me feel at home. For some reason, there are many upon many Argentinian Restaurants and a lot of coffee shops (hint: not a coffee shop). As I strolled through Begijnhof passing the Rijksmuseum, I watched the houseboats parked on the edges of the canals and I knew for sure I could live here. The architecture is stunning, the sky is blue, and the transportation is flawless. I couldn’t have asked for a better trip. But the people are the most interesting and they added to my adventure: Into Vondelpark, I went at around 5 pm and I had quite the bizarre occurrence with a friendly Dutchman.

Me: *sitting in the park watching a golden retriever puppy playing fetch and taking pictures*
Stranger: *on his bike, gets in the way of my picture then apologizes*
Me: *hand movement to let him know he can keep going*
Stranger: *comes towards me* “Oh Honey, you need to smile more! Why so serious?”
Me: “uuhhh” *smiles*
Stranger: “where are you from?”
Me: “New York”
Stranger: “oh I love NY. But what do you think of my city?”
Me: “It’s great! Maybe I’ll move here”
Stranger: “O…M…G… you should do it gurrrlll! Follow your dreams and don’t just wish”
Me: “Ok”
Stranger: “Oh by the way, I’m (name), I’m from here, and I’m gay!”
Me: “ok hi”
Stranger: “you are originally from India right?”
Me: “yes.”
Stranger: “Omg yaaaasss, I love it! I love Indian men so so much! Their d****’s are huge!!!”
Me: *blank face* *WTH?!?!*
Stranger: “they’re so many at the gay bar I go to.”
Me: *blank face*
Stranger: “Have you been to a gay bar here yet?”
Me: “No, not yet”
Stranger: “Honeeeyyy what’s wrong with you??? Ok, do you smoke?”
Me: “nope”
Stranger: “Uhhh honey…ur missing out!!!”
Me: “I have weak lungs”
Stranger: “Oh stop being a scaredy cat… haha I’m just teasing”
Me: *in my head “what’s going on?” *
Stranger: “So what do you think of the coffeeshops?”
Me: “it’s fun…?”
Stranger: “anyways, I got to get going. I’m on my way to the gay club. If you want you could join?”
Me: “no thank you, I just got here so I still have some more sightseeing to do”
Stranger: “oh ok! Not a problem…but do take my advice and go see the live sex show”
Me: *in my head “that’s a thing????”*
Stranger: “Bye gurrrll”
Me: “bye, nice to meet you!”

Nicole Mathai
Nicole Mathai
I attract strange people and am always stuck in weird situations. I think they make for funny stories. So... I hope you enjoy my funny anecdotes.

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